my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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