$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
