I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
