Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
