We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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