you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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