i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
