You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
