I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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