Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
