my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
