I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
