I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
