Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
