Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
