ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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