She's JV to your varsity
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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