I wanna passion pit in your ass
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
