I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
