The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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