Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
