hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
