Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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