So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
