I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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