You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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