I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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