Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
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