Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
