so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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