He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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