I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
