He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
