i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
