I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
