Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
