Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
