Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
