very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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