Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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