who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
