Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
