i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize