why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
