8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
