I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
