you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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