lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
