Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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