he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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