Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
